The Writings of Phoenix

Quality Man vs The Player 

It would appear to be so easy to decipher the quality men that truly value us as women from the player men that play us, string us along and lead us to the inevitable nowhere. Is it that we are truly gullible or that we simply refuse to give up on the idea of romance?  If it is the latter of the two, then are we so blinded by the idea of romance we cannot clearly see the candidates, for who they are and what they truly want from us? Here are some of the signs to watch out for in your quest to find the quality man and divest yourself of the players on your journey to discover romance.

He is pushy about getting sexual. Almost immediately, the player will want to transition towards sex. It is first and foremost on his mind. He will try to lure you into bed by pledging his undeniable attraction for you.  Trying to convince you that after all you’re both consenting adults, and he does not believe in boundaries or rules at your age. He will probably say something like,” We should just go with it, if it feels right”. The quality guy will want to have immediate sex with you also, after all he is human, but because he wants more than sex he will wait. He understands the better he gets to know you the better the sex will be. Bottom line, if he is pressuring you into bed, then sex is all it is about to him. That probably means when he is in bed with you, the sex will be all about him…..how satisfying will that be?

He doesn’t introduce you to his friends. If the guy is a player, he will have no interest in integrating you into his life. There is no reason in his mind to introduce you to his friends, kids and family because you are not staying around, so he prefers not to have to explain you. Oh and just for the record, he will avoid socializing with your friends as well, or becoming known in your social circle, too complicated for him considering this a non-relationship in his eyes. The quality guy will take the first few weeks to get to know you one on one, but by 2-3 weeks he will want to introduce you to his guy friends. Within the first few months of dating he will have introduced you to some of the favorite aspects of his life. Bottom line, a guy that is anti-social in your life and won’t allow you to be social in his life, is not interested in you and will inevitably bore you, possibly to death. You deserve a guy that wants to be social with you.

He only communicates via text, IM, or email. These are the preferred methods of communication for the player, it gives him more control enables him to be more direct and less emotional. There is no real conversation, a couple of words, some xoxoxo or , and this qualifies as keeping in touch. His overall behavior simply displays a lack of interest in talking to you. The quality guy will desire to talk and converse with you as much as you desire to with him. He will want to hear your voice, long for it in fact and he will have no reason to try and hide this. Bottom line, if you are being cheated out of phone calls …hang up and call another number. Quit sitting on hold endlessly with the wrong number (wrong guy). You are worth many phone calls.

“I’m not ready for a serious relationship yet”. This is a common line used by the player to justify, why he is having sex with you and not a relationship. The worst part is he can and will say he told you this in the beginning. And he will be right. The most common mistake women make is, thinking he will want a serious relationship after he has been with us. This is how we manipulate ourselves into becoming “Friends with benefits” or worse “ F—- Buddies”. The quality guy would know and understand that if he is not serious about you or a relationship he probably should not be having sex with you. Especially if he knows, you have more feelings for him then he has for you. Bottom line, if a guy tells you, “I’m not ready for a serious relationship yet”. Yet probably means ever with you (who knows or cares why). Save yourself the grief ….MOVE ON.

 He takes you to same restaurant more than once a month.  Depending on how many women a guy maybe juggling at the same time, could contribute to where he does and doesn’t take you. Sometimes a player will take you to the same place because he separates his woman by places, it keeps him safe. Players are known to go for what is fast, convenient and cheap, just like their intentions. The quality guy will put thought into each and every one of your dates in the early stages. Whether it is simply grabbing a bottle of wine and lying on a blanket in the park or dining at the fanciest restaurant in town. You will know he planned it with you in mind. Bottom line, it is not about the expense of the date, it is about the quality of the date that reflects his true interest in you.

He makes too many promises. Guys tell you what you want to hear in order to get what they want. It’s like hypnotizing you with the illusion of the tomorrows the two of you will share.  If a guy is making promises early in the stages of dating it is a huge …RED FLAG. It is doubtful; he will follow through, especially after he has achieved what he wanted. He will no longer remember or care about a promise he made, as he never had the intention to keep it. If the quality guy makes promises in the beginning he will keep them no matter what, as he knows and understands trust is being built upon those promises and in the early stages of a relationship trust is everything. Bottom line, promises were not meant to be broken.

He avoids the “getting to know you” talks. Have you ever noticed he takes you out on dates, to a place like the movies, a concert or a loud bar, where there is not a lot of talking going on? He does this to avoid any and all serious talks, about you two, or where “this” may be going. Yet at the end of the evening, he classifies this as a legitimate date and you can bet he will be expecting to end it with sex and no serious conversation. The quality guy wants to get to know you …all of you, intellectually as well as sexually. He will care about the topics you care about and want to share his passions with you as well. Bottom line, if a guy is not interested in what you think, what do you think about his lack of interest in you?

He makes last minute late night plans to see you.  He sounds genuine when he is telling you that he works too late or too much (as in two jobs), or is busy with his kids, has obligations with his family or friends. Yet he is dying to see you, and is trying desperately to squeeze you into his schedule. So he will suggest …let’s meet up…or I’ll stop by your place….or come over to my place later, sound familiar? Guys conceal their real intentions so it doesn’t look like a booty call.  A quality guy will make plans with you in advance as he knows your time is just as valuable as his, and shows you that respect.  A guy that likes you will enjoy preplanning with you it gives him something to look forward to, builds excitement and anticipation, which fuels the fire of the relationship. Bottom line, late night meetings are spontaneous and exciting if they happen occasionally. The exception rather than the rule, If they are rule as opposed to the exception, time to find someone who views you as more than just a late night after thought.

 He consistently makes excuses for disappointing you. He tells you, he will meet you at the club to hang out with you and your friends, or on Friday the two of you will meet for drinks, yet when the time comes so does the infamous excuse. He is stuck at work, his meeting ran late, he fell asleep, or he has to be up early. Can he have a rain check, tomorrow would be better, he is so sorry, and disappointed as well, and promises to make it up to you.  The quality guy will avoid disappointing you, like dodging a bullet aimed at his heart. You can be sure if he does have to disappoint you, he will immediately make it up to you, without even having to say he will, because it will matter to him.  Bottom line, life is too short for countless excuses and an endless disappointment, the sex is never that good. Politely excuse yourself and find a guy that wants to hang out with you.