The Writings of Phoenix

   Key Words Men use and the Excuses Women Make

      I was listening to myself talk one day to my two closest friends, about a guy that I date and I use the term loosely as he disappoints me more then we actually date.  As I heard myself repeating some of the key words he uses, to my shock and amazement I also heard myself making excuses, for him continuously disappointing me and not following through on what he says. I know damn well I deserve to be treated better, then being brainwashed by key words (that have double meanings,) and inevitably lead me to make excuses for his behavior. The most common reason women fall prey to this vicious circle of entanglement is……..because we “like” him.  I am thinking, we, myself, included should “like” ourselves more , at least enough to stop making excuses for the men we allow into our lives, that basically feed us a bunch of unfulfilling double talk. A famous author once said “Excuses are a polite form of rejection”. So if we are the ones making the excuses for them are we endorsing the rejection of ourselves?

Key Phrases Men Use………………

     Just not there yet- I have often wondered where “there” officially is, and what are the directions to get to “there”? When a guy says he is just not “there” yet, he means he is not ready to have any type of serious or semi-serious relationship. Don’t interpret it to mean, he is almost there so any day now he will be ready if you just hang on.

     Busy- Now there is a word that gets thrown around a lot. If a man is too busy to communicate with you, then he is not thinking about you. How hard is it to make a simple phone call, send a text, or fire out an email? So isn’t he really saying he is too busy for you? Women like attention it is most certainly a form of foreplay for us, and frankly who wants a man that has no time for foreplay? Don’t interpret this to mean, as soon as he gets un- busy he will make time for you. No one ever gets un- busy. You are either worth the time now or he is not worth your time.

     Friend- If you are having sex with a man and he refers to you as a friend, then he is telling you that this is his definition of the relationship, “friends that have sex”. Once you have fallen into this trap it is hard to surpass it and become the girlfriend. Don’t interpret this to mean that sexual friends are the stepping stone to girlfriend. Friends that have sex rarely become exclusive relationship partners.

     Kids come first- If a man is constantly, breaking plans or unavailable because of his kids or their activities, chances are he is hiding behind his children. Using them as a smoke screen so to speak, after all how can you get angry about being stood up yet again when he is being a good dad? Many adults have fulfilling relationships and still manage to be great parents. Every parent I know needs a vacation to adult land. Don’t interpret this to mean, that because he is so busy with his kids if you wait patiently he may want to play house. You are valuable enough for him to make the time to be a great dad, and a sexually appealing man to you.

Excuses Women Make……………………..

      He just got out of a horrible relationship/divorce. Well, if he is still so emotionally scarred from his previous relationship, why are you contemplating embarking upon a new one with him? Is it not our hopes that when we begin to date a man, all previous baggage has been checked and left at the curb? If he has not recovered from his previous relationship he is not ready for a new one, stop making excuses.

      It is better than nothing. What exactly is better than nothing? Seeing each other every two weeks, once a month or worse once every 3 months and having non – emotionally connecting sex? After all how can you be emotionally connected with someone that rarely wants to spend time with you, or worse is juggling you between several other women? If nothing is, swinging by Castle Boutique, purchasing a sex toy to replace the non-emotional sex,  spending more time with my friends ( that truly care for me) and having more opportunity to meet a guy that could genuinely be interested in me…. I opt for nothing.

      He is just finding himself. I have been alive for 44 years and I have never ever once lost myself. Yes there have been days I wish I did not have my life, but I always knew where I was. Come on, he can’t commit because he is finding himself? Bet he can have sex with you, without having to find himself first. If I were taking a soul searching journey, I would want to include the person I cared about, not exclude them. Unless you are one of Charlie’s Angels and accepts the case of the man who can’t find himself, while he is standing right in front of you. I say move along find a man that knows himself, and wants to get to know you.

      He is just not a touchy person.  So he likes to be sexual just not affectionate afterwards? He doesn’t like to hold hands or kiss in public? This should be a deal breaker; there is no reason in the world to deprive yourself of the sensual expression of touch. Touching in the simplest of ways can be amazingly erotic, and sexy. There is nothing like the caress of your lover’s hand, or the feel of his lips upon the back of your neck. If your lover is too frigid to show affection, you could defrost him. However, I am sure there is another man that will love to admire you and in public as well as private.