The Dangerous Men
Several of my friends and I were sitting around drinking wine and discussing dating. The men in our lives, the men that are no longer in our lives, or the men that are in our lives but we seriously need to move on from. We talked about the men we desire, the men we meet or have met and most importantly the dangerous men we need to stay away from. The Dangerous men are the ones that lure you in and captivate you. We know we should run as fast as we can away from these men, we see all the red flags, hear the warning bells going off in our head…..but we never run.
The “player”…….this is the guy that juggles several women all at the same time. There are two kinds of players, the one that is open and honest about it, in which case the women know up front there is no exclusivity, either dating or being sexual with this man. The woman that chooses to be involved with this man knows exactly what she is becoming involved with. Having false expectations of exclusivity is a huge error on her part. Remember he was honest, and it is not your place to try to change him. However the second kind of player is more dangerous, more devious. He is neither open nor honest; in fact he is a liar. He tells all the women involved that they are the only one; he has time to date or be sexual with. He claims to be very busy and quite consumed with work, friends or other activities, this accounts for the time he spends with other women and not with you. He is rarely ever available to you yet desires you be available to him at a moment’s notice. These are the men that feed us just enough to keep us interested, they are so convincing because we so want to believe, we mean more to them, then we truly do.
The “WE “man………this is the guy that in the early in stages of the dating uses terms like “we” or “us”. It like a gardener, systematically planting seeds and watching them grow. Before you realize it you too are using the “we” word, and thus the fantasy has begun. He knows if he creates the “we” fantasy he has a much stronger chance of transitioning the relationship to a sexual level. The “we” fantasy creates security, and thus allows us a women to succumb more freely. Unfortunately the sense of security the “we” guy gives is often false, just another tactical maneuver to throw us off and confuse him for a sincere guy.
The “Goose bump” guy…….this is the guy that romances you. He has all the right lines and they usually come with flowers, or another such gesture. He wants to slow dance with you in his living room, (more like horizontal mambo you in bed) kiss under the stars; take slow walks in the rain and on and on. He says all the things that make you sigh dreamily. He is called the goose bump guy, because he knows exactly the right verbiage to give you goose bumps. That is when he has us hooked, once he has you believing in the romantic fairy tales, it a short walk to the bedroom.
The “Grrrrr factor” man ……this is the naughty one, and by far the most dangerous. This is the guy that you cannot take your eyes off, he is like a drug and you have suddenly become an addict .You know he is dangerous, but you just want that high. Instinctually you sense he will rock your world sexually. What’s worse is…he knows it too. He carries himself with a subtle underlying sexual confidence, which is infatuating. As his eyes scan over your body you are consumed instantly with lust. That pure have your way with me, take me now, raw sexual attraction ….it’s intoxicating. You know sexually this guy will take you places you have never been before, that it will be exciting and exhilarating. However chances are this man is not monogamous; trying to tie him down is much like trying to hold the wind in your hands, ultimately impossible.
Why do we do this to ourselves, it is as if we are constantly searching for the missing piece to the jigsaw puzzle that is our life? More often than not we choose the piece that does not fit, and then we spend countless hours trying to make it fit. Perhaps it is not that we always choose the wrong size piece, but that there in fact is no empty hole to fill in. Is it possible that our life could in fact be complete even with the absence of a serious relationship? Perhaps relationships were meant to be an addition to our lives, not the epicenter that we build around.