The Divorced Woman
As a recently divorced vibrant, sexy, independent 40ish woman, how could I ever have known what was in store for me re-entering the world of dating. I had been married for many years, and truthfully never really looked outside or past the marriage, never even considered the prospect of ever dating again. Yet here I was in middle of 2008, ready to embark upon the journey, of dating…romance…and the much anticipated great sexual experience. The question was where do I begin?
As I embarked upon this adventure, one of the first things I observed was how the simple knowledge that a woman is becoming divorced instantly changes the way men view her. Not the prospective man you may have your eye on, but the everyday men you have been coming in contact with and not realizing it for years, for example a co-worker or business associate. My first taste of this was when I had to sit down and have a candid discussion with my bank manager about changing accounts, because of the up and coming divorce. As we were working together on my accounts, just as we had many times before, I suddenly could hear the difference in the way he was now flirtatiously talking to me and feel the difference in the way his eyes scanned over me as he looked at me. I, immediately questioned myself, due to the whole lack of self esteem thing that comes with divorce, I thought am I reading this correctly? It did occur to me that my dating radar may have been dusty or even broken having sat dormant for the last 7 years. Bewildered, I finished my business left the bank and decided to put it out of my mind. A few days later I was back at the bank and the bank manager approached me under the pretense of asking how my accounts were. I assured him all was well, just as I started to think, perhaps I did misread him; he made his move and asked me out on a date. I wondered to myself is this an isolated incident?
As the word started to spread throughout my life, my friends and my business world that a divorce was in fact on the horizon, it soon became apparent to me, this was not an isolated incident. In fact I had two other strange occurrences ; one a brother like friend hit on me over the holidays, and then a business associate called me one afternoon to , expressing his remorse at my pending divorce, and wondered would I be interested in dinner and a movie. Clearly men started to notice me in a way that they had not before. I am level headed enough to know that I am not raving beauty, yes I’m attractive, but I will not be gracing the cover of Vogue anytime soon. So it is not that I am the great catch of the century, and men are lining up to have me on their arm or in their bed.
Is it possible that all it takes to rejoin world of dating is merely mentioning that you are getting a divorce? Why is that? Is it because a wide perception of men, upon learning a woman is becoming divorced, feels it makes her ‘riper for the picking’? Do men perceive that women, having been married will have a larger appetite for sex, thus making the sexual conquest more simplistic?
Or in fact is it that a woman, that has become resolved in ending a marriage, now carries herself differently? As the decision inevitably evolved, perhaps she too evolved, and with this evolution comes confidence, resilience, and the desire to dance to beat of her own drummer. Is it the air of new found independence, and the re-discovered love of herself, that fuels the fire, and suddenly creates the spark that attracts men?